We spoke with Sandra Rotholc, individual, couple, and sex therapist. With 17 years of clinical experience, her practice focuses on marriage counseling, anxiety, depression, communication issues, balancing work/life, and specializes in working with individuals and couples regarding sexual desire issues, pain with intercourse, erectile dysfunction and sexual enrichment. We found out how this mom feels about talking to her sons about sex, what the sign on her forehead says, and what three full days of the deed did for her.
Is Psychotherapy for psycho’s?
If you consider helping oneself feel better to be psycho, then perhaps we are all psycho! The answer, however, is NO. For many people, having the opportunity for talk therapy allows them to process their thoughts in a safe manner and begin to feel better. I really believe that the label given to Therapy in the 1950’s and 1960’s is skewed. Happily, over the years that is changing and therapy is becoming much more mainstream. Even trendy – that’s not nuts at all! (We think a lot of things that are trendy are totally nuts – but we’re definitely with you on this one!)
Why do people feel comfortable opening up to you?
I am honored every day when people express their thoughts and feelings with me in session. I believe that respect and being non-judgmental really helps put people at ease, and thankfully, these two traits come easily to me! I have also been told many times that I have a sign on my forehead that says “talk to me”; I think the sign is in neon.
I have enjoyed my path with my therapy career and I believe that this is also evident to people. I get enthusiastic when one starts putting their formulas for life together.
You completed a Sexual Attitudes Reassessment. Please explain.
Ha, this sounds more intriguing then it really is! As part of becoming a registered Sex Therapist, I felt it was important for me to take this intensive 3 day workshop. That’s right for 3 days (morning to night) I learned, watched and listened about sex.
The course was designed for professionals who are interested in practicing psycho-sexual therapy. It was in a group format, but it was not a support group with us sitting around discussing our woos on painful intercourse. I learned a lot over that weekend regarding S & M and the idea of pain vs. pleasure. I can appreciate the appeal that erotic literature such as Fifty Shades and Bared to You has had on so many people! I also learned that watching endless tapes on Pornography is not a turn on!
Do your sons know you’re a sex therapist?
Yes, I have 2 sons and they are both aware of what I do for a living. As with any career, I feel it is key for people to have a balance between work and life. I don’t go home and talk with my kids about people that I saw during the day who have erectile dysfunction…It’s really not dinner discussion in my books.
I am keen for my kids, along with the general population, to feel more at ease around the topic of sex. Along with my husband, we have made it one of our parenting goals to have kids who are comfortable with who they are. That means both mentally and physically. Over the years, the kids have asked many questions around sex and I answer to the best of my knowledge, always trying to be age appropriate.
We are all human-beings…why not enjoy who we are?
What is one thing we can all do today to feel closer to our partner?
I love this question! I would say admit that you want to be closer to your partner. It can be that simple! That is the issue, people being fearful to show their vulnerability. Relationships, behavior and patterns will not change if we don’t put forward an effort.
What are three books we all need to read?
1. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl – This book had meaning for me to understand pain, joy and how to move forward with yourself – everyone can benefit from that!
2. Anything written by Dr. Seuss – Theodor Seuss Geisel was a Genius and made/makes me laugh each time I pick up one of his books. I loved his wide brim glasses and quirky smile. I will admit something with pride! I have his whole collection of books. It has taken me years to create the collection, but so happy every time I look at those books.
3. The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides – This book offers information on anything and everything that you would want to know about sex. Seriously, from A – Z of Sexuality, this book really has it!
4. What’s Happening to My Body (Book for Boys and Book for Girls) by Lynda Madaras – I couldn’t help sneak in a fourth book. I think this book is a wonderful tool to open communication with your kids. It is easy to read, some pictures and talks to kids about their changing bodies without freaking them out (TOO MUCH).